I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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