I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He did a backflip because drugs
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