Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
