she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
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The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
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If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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