Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize