I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
