During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
