its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize