i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
