I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
