He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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