If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
