The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
