Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
