Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
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I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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