Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
