tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
