my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
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On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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