UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
