1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
