so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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