I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize