mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
