what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
