just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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