youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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