Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
