Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
