He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
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You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
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I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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