I feel like abortions should bother me more
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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