Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
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Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
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you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
as a side note pls kill me
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