I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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