just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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