I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
