I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
