After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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