And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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