Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
