What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
