this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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