hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize