u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize