And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
