Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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