she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
