Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
