Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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