The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
