I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
