a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
