also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
