The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
