She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
