Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Who died my cat blue again?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
