ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
