I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
