All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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