i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
